You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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