She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
