just come out here and I will go home with you...
just tell him i said nine months
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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