If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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