Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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