you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
