this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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