Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
