I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
