I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sober January is a disaster.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
