The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will