god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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