Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can text with my tongue
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?