i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go