you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.