The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
