I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
