The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
