He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
