she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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