That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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