The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
