He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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