i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
