idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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