pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
