Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
