it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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