Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
