Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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