please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
