I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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