I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize