I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
