It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I deserve this hangover.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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