He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
