I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
