im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
