Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
