Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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