I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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