I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize