I wish my penis had an off switch
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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