He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
