what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize