saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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