Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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