worst night to have a conscience
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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