I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
