if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
