So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
