The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
