my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
