Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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