he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
