Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
