have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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