you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize