Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
