i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
