would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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