sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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