Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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