Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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