I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
