LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
