...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
