dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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