At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
