the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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