is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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