i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
