How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
