i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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