I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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